The light is in me,
No doubt about it.
I try to be the best me that I can be every minute of the day.
Don't want to fail myself,
Don't want to speak things into my day that I know I will not be able to fulfill.
I try to reach as close to perfection as much as possible,
Just wanting to touch the hem of his garment or even walk in his footsteps imprinted in the sand.
The closer I get to perfection, the easier my life will be.
But imperfection, messing up, mistakes, and falling is what wakes me up to realize that perfection will always be out of my reach.
I can accept that,
That's fine with me,
I can learn from my mistakes and get back on my feet.
Not being clothed in perfection opens a door for comparison.
Something I have struggled with for a very long time.
You will never know externally but I shut down internally.
It hurts people that I love and that are close to me to know that I see them as an enemy, my competition, my standard of measurement.
It hurts me even more because I can't wrap my head around it.
"Tiffany, snap out it, it was her moment not yours. Your time will come; you will get your reward. Be happy for her, show her that you care."
I'm measuring God given gifts with God given gifts,
Blessings with blessings,
Worship with worship and it all goes up to the same God.
It doesn't make sense and I cannot explain to you how to stop it.
I'm still in the process of being chiseled, melted and molded
Chiseled, melted and molded
Chiseled, melted and molded
In to a woman that can watch others succeed without wanting to see them plead.
Into a woman that can genuinely support their sister without keeping record of their sins.
Into a woman that can love unconditionally.
Into a woman that can forgive because God first forgave me.
Having a comparative spirit can leave you blind like Paul,
Leave you in exile like Moses,
Leave you broken like Job.
We need to learn how to stand firm in who we are,
Embrace the gifts and characteristics that we have without seeing it as a flaw.
We bear the image of someone greater than our selves.
We are God's reflection.
He should be able to see himself in us,
Pure, holiness, righteousness, love, joy and peace should be staring back from our hearts to him.
If we all bear the image of God, the creator himself,
Who exactly are we comparing ourselves to?
We should compare ourselves to Christ.
He is the ultimate standard of measurement,
To be him is impossible,
But to be more like him is a mission that is possible.
We are giving back to God what is already his.
So let's think about this…
If he created us in his image, and we are his image bearers
And our heart is his dwelling place and reflection…
What's the worth of comparing if we are striving to be more like him?
All things were created by him for him.
If we took the time to remove the scales from our eyes,
We can see the reflection of Christ in each other
And walk on the path of righteousness together.
My interest should never over power the interest of my brothers and sisters
According to his word, I should be thinking of other's better than my self
But sometimes the spirit of envy turns out to be my ladder to success
Each leg I lift to climb, the devil is rooting for me on the side lines
"Use that anger, yes use that jealousy, use that gossip, yes use me"
The higher I go, the emptier I feel,
The higher I go, the more distant his love starts to feel.
I make it to the top,
I receive my award,
Everyone is cheering for me,
The Fuel of envy that drove me to the top of my ladder
Only helped me to see that every bar I climbed was
and without value.
This life was built on an empire of resentment and rivalry.
I was chasing the wind using the person I envy to fuel me,
To only find myself still chasing this wind that leads to no satisfaction,
But I am the foundation of your creation,
The bearer of your image,
The salt on your earth,
And your detailed crafted work.
The light that shines within the darkness,
like everlasting fireworks.
The price tag that displays my value and worth,
after seeing water and blood from your pierced side disperse
I am the captive that’s been set free
The women thrown into the crowd soon to be stoned,
Who opened her eyes to see that it was Jesus and her alone.
So this is me,
A sinner just exposing her inner battles.
no longer classified with those who commend themselves,
Because when they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves,
....they are not wise.
Heavy stuff right? I wrote this poem around February or March of this year. I was having a hard time finding motivation and confidence in myself. At that time I felt like my value and worth was diminishing as the days rolled by. I continued to compare my self to others that was doing anything better than me. I questioned God about it and put myself down. I figured, if they're doing it better, why should I even try? What's the point? That will never be me. I did not know what was going on with me. All of sudden I cared about what people were thinking of me, I was not motivated to do any of the things that I was passionate about and I felt so down in the dumps. And scrolling through my Facebook news feed did not make things any better. If anything, it added on to my emotional roller coaster. So I picked up my phone and started reading my Joyce Meyer Devotional from my bible app. In the words of hip hop artist, Ludacris, “ SHE felt like slapping somebody today” and that sure was a slap in my face. Thank you Joyce Meyer.
We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. (2 Corinthians 10:12 NIV)
I cried, prayed and asked God for forgiveness after reading this scripture. I continued to read it over and over again and the Holy Spirit convicted me over and over again as I got flashbacks of the times I didn't trust God and compared my life to others. I read the scripture in a few different versions and this version put me in check as well.
But they are only comparing themselves with each other, using themselves as the standard of measurement.
(2 Corinthians 10:12) NLT
So let me break this down real quick. When individuals compare themselves with each other, they're not gaining anything from it. They're gaining false standards. When they see someone with better dance skills, a lot of money, or being prideful in what they do, you have NO idea where they received their fuel to get there. That individual was probably comparing themselves to someone too and that someone was probably comparing themselves to someone else and the list just goes on and on. What I'm trying to say is no one got to where they are on their own. All of us are guilty of comparing ourselves to other people but we don't know if there's wisdom behind their actions. We could be comparing ourselves to someone who only sees THEMSELVES as the “standard” or in other words the “definite”. You can't reach your next level because you think they're the only level you can reach, you think they are the standard of measurement. Like I said in my poem,
We should compare ourselves to Christ.
He is the ultimate standard of measurement.
When we compare ourselves to Christ, we know where his greatness and glory is derived from. Who wouldn't want to live up to his standards and be more like Him?
If you ever find yourself comparing your life to someone else's or if the thought of it just pops into your mind, observe this individual and use wisdom to seek the intentions behind their actions.
We don't allow the things that we see to shape our belief because we walk by faith, not by sight