Tuesday, October 7th, 2014 was the day that I was suppose to be giving God all the glory and praise. Instead, I questioned his love for me and basked in the enemy's camp.
It was a regular day for me. I was leaving work and heading home from Lexington. I started my car, played my Christian contemporary playlist, and thank God for my survival at work. I finally hit the highway and there was no traffic, which was great. I switched lanes and stayed in the second lane. In the first lane, there was a tow truck driving next to me. I hate driving alongside trucks, it makes me really nervous. So I drove up in my lane to stay ahead of the tow truck and as I was driving up, the individual in the third lane (on my left side) started driving into me with no hesitation and that’s when I jumped and pressed on my brakes. Next thing I knew, I’m losing control of the car and it starts swerving and spinning out of control and crashes into the tow truck that I was trying to pass. At this point, my heart is heavy and racing at the same time. Luckily, the cars made way for me to park on the side of the highway. I tried calling my pastor but my hands could not stop shaking. When I finally got to him, I cried and tried to explain to him what happened. He instructed me on what to do and what to say when the cops come. After the cops came, the tow truck towed my car and took me to the closest rest area. Everything happened so fast and I had no idea where I was and what was going to happen next. As I sat in the McDonalds rest area, I sat there and asked God, why me? I complained and cried until I couldn’t cry any more. When my pastor came to get me, he prayed with me right then and there, but sadly, it was difficult for me to be in agreement with his prayer. I was so upset…and then I grew mad. I did thank God for sparing my life, but I was still upset at Him. I got my paycheck that day and now most of it will be going towards my car, I have no way of getting to work for the rest of the week and the liberty of going out was thrown out of the window now. I finally got in touch with my mom and like every mom she panicked and told me to go the hospital right away, but I didn't need to, I just wanted to go home, sleep, and cry. That's exactly what I did. While I was in bed, I turned my lights off and closed my door. Those who know me well, know that I never sleep without some kind of light in my room. While I was in bed, I ignored all phone calls and text messages. I tried to pray but I couldn't. When the words “thank you Lord” came out of my mouth, I wasn't sure if it was sincere or not. I just felt like I should say it. I was so confused and I couldn't stop thinking on how miserable I was going to be for the rest of the week. I was already having my emotions take over me, I gave my emotions a home to dwell in.
On Wednesday and Thursday, I got a ride to work and on Wednesday I got a ride home; But on Thursday, I had to take the bus and train home from Lexington. I was so mad and annoyed. But at this point, I knew this is not the kind of person that I am and I knew that I was giving the devil a little bit too much room in my soul. So while I was on the train, I listened to my Jesus Culture radio and just meditated on God. I didn't say anything, I didn't think about anything, just God. The bitterness and frustration slowly found it's way out of my soul.
As I was silently letting go and giving everything to God, I looked around and watched a few people on the train and read a few ads lined up across the top of the train walls. I came across this poster on the wall from Fisher College of a graduate cheering after receiving his degree. It said, “Today you are at the finish line of one race, but life is full of starting lines and heartbreak hills. You just have to keep running forward.” I believe that God placed my eyes in that direction to see just that. My eyes opened and I reflected on everything that happened that week and realized how selfish and bitter I was. The car crash, the money spent from my last pay check that went towards the car alone, that place of darkness and depression that I experienced was only a race that was coming to an end. I was now in the process of waiting to hear the gun go off to start my next race. That day was the finish line of one race. I did not realize what God was doing, I did not realize the blessings that was right in front of my face that was eclipsed by my emotions and the devils tactics to keep me down.
As I reflected, I found the blessings within the situation. The lady from the insurance company said it was a good thing that the tow truck did not pull over and take down my license plate number because that could've made things more complicated. The car went to the body shop and the owner told me that he has the exact same model and can use the parts to replace the damaged ones on mine. The timing couldn't have been anything but a blessing as well because my last day at the job in Lexington was the end of that week. My mom, my pastor, my boyfriend dropped me off and picked me up when they could. I was transitioning to my new teacher training job in Boston the next week and they gave me an apartment to stay in for two years in the building that I'll be working in.
In what I saw as a storm, the sunlight was slowly breaking through it. No one can't tell me there is not a God. He is so faithful, so real, so awesome and so merciful. We may miss what God is trying to do with us because we just expect the blessings, but we need a test and a mess to see the true blessings that God provides. In every storm, just know that God will not give you more than you can bear (1st Corinthians 10:13). Just know that he is shaping you to be stronger than ever before. He is preparing you for greatness, which is already in you. Be encouraged everyone, in every storm, the sunshine, the glory, the grace, the mercy, faith is pressing it’s way through.
“Don’t confuse your path with your destination. Just because it's stormy now doesn't mean that you aren't headed for sunshine.” -unknown