Hey y’all it’s been a minute!
Let me catch you up real quick; wedding planning, work, ministry, wedding planning, taking care of my hair and skin, staying consistent with my blog, wedding planning, making time for family and friends, working out, spending time with bae, spending time with God and did I say wedding planning? Yup this is my life in a nutshell. There is so much that needs to be done and so much that I personally want to do such as read a book or write in my journal. I literally have no time to do anything that I enjoy and when I do, I feel bad for not using that time to do what’s important. WHAT IS LIFE RIGHT NOW?!
Ok that’s enough, I just had to get that out. Aside from that, I missed slaying for you all lately, but I’m so pumped to share with you the deets on my entire outfit because your girl was not playing, OKUUURRRTTT *Cardi B voice*
Glasses- Fashion Nova
As you may know, I’m still embarking on my young woman journey and everyday I’m learning something new about my self or finally accepting something in my life for what it is. I’m getting married in 4 months *screams internally* and I want wholeness to be fulfilled in every area of my life. I’m not saying I want to be perfect before I get married, but I just want to get started or be in the process of filling in those gaps in my life.
Friends have come and go in the past year or so and I’ve gained so much more. When I use the word “gain” I don’t only mean in number but in value and love. The friends that have entered into my life are rich in love, light, and fear the Lord. Along with the friends that’s been riding with me from day one, I’ve gained even more love and appreciation for. One thing I’ve been learned about friendships is how important it is to have a core group of friends that you can depend on. I can say that many of my core friends do not all know each other, but if they did, it would be a pretty lit get together. Although I have some pretty dope friends, I need to work on maintaining my friendships because I am the worst at calling people back and making the effort to call or text. Sometimes you won’t hear from me at all...lol I know, what kind of friend is that? I have many days where I enjoy being myself and going days without talking to anyone. I guess that’s the introvert in me kicking in every so often. However, maintaining my friendships is something I want to work on and now that I’m getting older, I want to be more intentional about it.
Bracelet- Aldo's Accessories
We are drawing closer and closer to the wedding date and the more I think about it, the more anxious I am about getting this over and done with. The most asked question I get is, “What are you looking forward to the most?” I give the same answer every time and it’s me walking down the aisle and seeing David, my king, waiting for me at the other end. That may be the longest walk of my life lol… well, other than the day David proposed...that was a pretty long walk. I’m looking forward to that moment because I’m walking towards the person I plan on growing, learning, succeeding, and becoming one with. A few months ago, we had a marriage series at my church and it was so timely. I knew what marriage was, I knew that it was God’s design but, I didn’t realize the weight that we would be carrying as we are representing God (Groom) and His church (Bride). It hit me so hard because that’s huge to be a living example of God and His church. I’m not gonna lie…it scared me a bit and it also brought me peace because if I had to uphold any example of what marriage should look and be like, it would definitely be God’s way.
I’ve taken away so much from that series, I filled up a few pages in my journal…it was that good! It also made think about people who get married and have no understanding of God’s design for marriage and just think it’s about signing the paper and living together. My heart goes out to the engaged and married couples who have no idea of the weight that they are carrying. I pray that if you’re on the journey to becoming one or you’re already one, to seek spiritual guidance so that you gain the understanding you need to have a successful Godly marriage. Please keep in mind, I’m not talking about acting like you have a perfect marriage or anything, I believe it’s important for you and your spouse to know what the foundation of your marriage truly is. Is it love? Yes, but who is Love? God! Listen, don’t let me start preaching on this post lol.
I’m sharing these definitions of career because I don’t have one yet. El Oh El. I have a stable job as a preschool teacher which I’m very grateful for, however that’s not where my purpose lies but it’s the stepping stone towards it. I’m one of those people that’s gifted in many areas and still find it hard to know what to focus on and what my “life’s work” should be. At my church we have monthly fellowships in which we call “Connect Groups” where we connect with members within our church that live within the same location as you or you can just join any one. I went to one in April and we talked about generosity, giving, and God ideas. I must say that I was deeply encouraged but I was also thinking if I wasted time these past few years. My First Lady, Lady Fred, shared a testimony about a woman who decided to finally trust God with her finances and the Lord gave her a God idea. This woman quit her job in the medical field and trusted the Lord with the business idea He gave to her. Long story short, that business is worth millions and she continues to bless others when the Holy Spirit compels her to. So I’m over here like “but God, I’ve been using my gifts for your glory, I’ve been practicing and edifying it, I’ve been writing and prayerfully making sure that it’s you and not me”.
Then it hit me and I realized I never really asked God for an idea for me to really execute His way. Just because I’m doing it for His glory and many are being blessed through it, He’s not necessarily in full control of it. Think about it, how long are you willing to wait for Him to instruct you? How quickly do you obey Him when He asks you to do something? Our generation does not know how to wait overall and even more, probably don’t know how to wait on God. When she shared how God was downloading a ton of ideas into this woman’s business, she just obeyed right away and got it done. The crazy thing about this is, I’ve experienced that before and I allowed it to scare me away when the obstacles I couldn’t overcome was in the way. I let the thought of not having the money or resources stop me from executing it. This time I plan on fasting and praying about what God intends on pouring out of me that will not only bless me but everyone in the world. The Lord wants to download and pour into you, He wants to bless you and He wants His glory to be revealed through your works, however, we need to put into practice being generous and trusting God completely with what’s in our hands. Can you imagine if we obeyed God with everything? Can you imagine the fruit of that? Can you imagine the ways in which you can bless others? Lord, you’re too good to us and we haven’t experienced half of your goodness. I share all this to say, I plan on working towards my next life’s work and I want it to be that God idea. Until the Lord speaks, He will continue to use me through my blog/website, writings, dance and more.
Love y’all and God Bless💕
APT.9 Pashmina Scarf - Khol's
The most powerful action you can take when anyone identifies the flaws in your life is redefining them. The worst thing you can do is actually believe it.
I came across an Amanda Seales interview last month on the XONecole Instagram page. I found this snippet of her interview that was so raw and so honest. Side note: If you don’t know Amanda Seales, I learned that she’s been on the grind for a while now and is finally having her moment. You can watch her on Issa Rae’s show, Insecure, that’s on HBO. She talks more about what she does and has been doing in her interview with the Breakfast Club.
This part of her interview compelled me to write and confirmed my sentiments at the time. People told her that nobody likes her and she believed that she was unlikable. She internalized it and realized she didn’t like herself. She said,
“My therapist helped me to see that the things that they were saying that they didn’t like, she helped me to pick those apart and acknowledge what those things were and why they’re saying and find love in those things again.”
Booties - Charlotte Russe
I remember when my sensitivity was seen as a negative thing and to some it still is. It seemed being a sensitive person was like the worst character trait you can have. I tried really hard to remove that trait instead of finding a way to embrace it. I believed that it was a sign of weakness to be sensitive. One time my mom said something that made me feel some kind of way, and if you have an island parent…they have a natural blunt personality. I think that “tough skin” skipped me and went straight to my sisters because I feel everything. When she said what she said, I tried to have tough skin and that lasted like 30 seconds LOL. Next thing you know,I hear the same words like always, “why are you so sensitive? No one can’t talk to you!” I’ve been like this since I was very young and I never knew how to manage it until I entered college, then it got easier after college.
Missguided - Khaki Waterfall coat
I had to redefine that trait that was seen as a negative into something that I can love. Amanda Seales said, “you’re not difficult, you’re just particular. You’re not demanding, you hold people accountable.”
After years of understanding a few things about myself that were and can be seen as negatives, it was time to pick it apart. I am not sensitive because I’m weak, I’m sensitive because I feel the heart behind the words that people speak, I accept the tone, the attitude and the posture that carries the weight of these words. I believe that to be a great thing for it gives me a heads up of what I’m dealing with and how I can respond to that kind of reaction.
This kind of effort is a must in order to see great things manifest in your life. There are so many dreams that are not coming into fruition because we choose to believe the words of others. In Proverbs 29:25 MSG, it reads, “The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that”. The word “disable” means to ruin, weaken, paralyze, muzzle, disqualify and cripple. Who do you think can withstand and handle hurtful words being thrown at them more than Jesus? No one at all. There’s no mistake that this scripture is here because only Jesus can endure and take on the weight of the world on His shoulders, along with the weight of the words that were screamed at Him while walking to his crucifixion. As a result, those words did not define Him, He still reigns now and forevermore.
Purse/Clutch and Leather Gloves - Aldo's Accesories
Now that we know what human opinions can do to us, let’s trust in God. He knows who we truly are even if we have not discovered it yet. Stay under his wings no matter what and continue to love the traits that others can’t stand. I’m so excited to see some of you push through the dirt and blossom into something beautiful. Find love on those things again, it what makes you who you are. Redefine the negative. Love you and God bless
Hey everyone! I wrote this post October 1st and I was so nervous to post it. I'm usually open and honest but, this is an area that I'm a bit insecure about. I know someone may be able to relate this and be encouraged. Sorry for the delay ya'll and look out for more posts. Keep me in prayer and enjoy.
Shirt: Jones of New York - Thrift Store
This fear that I have came to surface in the past few weeks. It was one of those things I had to say out loud to myself to see if this was really happening…and it was. So let’s get into it.
Like I said in my last post, I was recently hired for a preschool teacher position as an alternate teacher meaning, I work in two classrooms. For the first few weeks I was still getting use to the classrooms, learning kids names, figuring out where everything was in both classrooms, trying to interact with the kids and so on. There were moments where I was paranoid and wasn’t sure if I was doing anything correctly. I wouldn’t ask for help as much and that resulted into me doing it my way. All in all, I was working really hard and on top of that, I’m very hard on myself too.
Crossover purse: Target
Two weeks in, my boss called me into her office along with another individual as a witness. She hands me a packet of everything she observed about me and comments the lead teachers of each classroom had to say and man….there was nothing good at all on any of those pages. My boss was confused and so was I. I tried very hard to keep my tears in and just like that, large tears started rolling down my cheeks. I haven’t cried that hard in a while y’all. After my shift ended, the tears continued.
Over the weekend, I had time to really read the packet I was given, go over the handbook again, look over the job responsibilities for my position, and pray. After doing this, I felt a little bit more confident to start the new week doing the right things and applying the corrections I was given. I walk in and I start my day, doing what I was always doing and more. When I tell you I had anxiety every single second of my 8 hour day, it was bad. It was like that the entire week. During the week when I was asked to do something that I felt I was incapable to do or lead something that I felt I wasn’t ready for, my anxiety grew drastically.
When I got home I was like “Tiffany….what the heck is going on girl?”. Then it came to me, I am afraid to grow and mature in this area (job) of my life. My work history is so weird and I honestly feel insecure about it at times. I consider this my first full-time job where there is no comfort at all and where my pride is not welcomed ( still working on that too). It’s really stretching and pruning me to be my best self and the best teacher that I can be for my students. When I think about the attitude I had entering this preschool, it was all pride to be honest. The same mindset I had at all of my previous jobs where thoughts like,
“They need me”
“I know what I’m doing”
“I’m doing better than this person anyway”
“It’s ok if I come a little late, it’s not that deep”
“Why do I have to do this ( or that)? Why can’t she do it?”
That’s the mindset I had entering work and that is how I carried myself to every job I’ve ever had.
When I came to that realization, I was like,
“How did I survive?”
“How did I make it this far in life?”
Pants: Thrift store
Photographer: DistortedFX Media
Lol. It’s a scary thing to realize that now but, it’s a great thing too. This experience caused me to wake up and to start taking my job seriously. I can’t look at it as if I’m doing them a favor by being there. They hired me because they saw me fit for this position and my resume speaks for it self. I am open and honesty about my life for the most part but, I was nervous to share this because again, my pride. This is a layer of my self that I needed to peel away a long time ago and it’s finally off and given to the Lord. It’s not easy for me to break into my new job with this new mindset since I’ve conditioned it in a certain ways for so long. Keep me in prayer y’all. God bless!
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Romans 12:2 NIV
As most of you know, I am a dancer. That word has been part of my life since I was 6 years old. The Lord has called me to do that and He’s been on me about it ever since I was introduced to praise dance ministry. But unfortunately I’ve been running y’all, not realizing that I was running away from it.
Serving you modern day Sandy Olsson from the 1970's movie "Grease"
I was very frustrated with dance ministry every now and then but my heart and passion for it was heavy. I wanted to be the best dancer that I can be. I wanted to make sure that I was in shape, that my training was up to part, and my lines were clean. If I was going to minister, I wanted to do it with excellence. I believe that if this is what God wants me to do, I should do my part by edifying my craft as much as I can. The thing with practicing your passion and edifying your craft, it can distract you from actually following through with your vision. That’s what happened to me. I was focused on being better for about a year now and I’ve been ignoring the tugs and the moments when it was time to transition. I began to wonder at times who I was being better for, myself? Or God?
I was bitter and refused to join the dance ministry at my church. Then one day, they ministered and the Lord literally broke me and I was like,
“OK GOD, I MISS IT!”
Shirt: Forever 21
Jeans: Fashion Nova
On Friday, I ministered with the dance ministry for the first time. I meditated on the word we was given and the song aligned with how my week went. So I say that to let you know that I was ready to dance away for the Lord and give Him all the glory. We ministered and it was powerful. I felt the Holy Spirit fall on me afterwards. I walked quickly to my seat because I felt the heaviness weighing down on me and I fell to my knees and cried out to God. I also felt someone cover me with a sheet on my lower back. I finally wiped my tears away and got my life together only to see there was no sheet around me or on me. I get chills just thinking about it y’all. I just took that as the Lord reminding me that He has me covered and He’s with me after all the running that I’ve been doing.
Wedges: Charlotte Russe
It all came back full circle lol God is funny lol
I want to encourage you to not run from the calling that God has on your life. Your life, your time here on this earth, your purpose is not about you. It’s bigger than you. If we don’t walk in it and accept it now, we will keep delaying the process. Stop running because you will be found. Being found is a beautiful thing but don’t wait to be found. If you know what God told you to do, just do it. Start off by writing it down and praying for guidance. ️
Stay encouraged and God bless.
This question crossed my mind after I finished my 2nd interview with the job that just hired me, YAY! A few things happened to me internally and mentally in the past two weeks that made me ask myself that question.
First thing, I learned that I struggle with pride, selfishness, and lack of serving others. After learning that about myself, I went straight to my word (Bible) and found scriptures related to that so I can read it and cleanse my mind with it daily or as much as I can during the week. I didn’t maintain it as much as I should’ve and that slapped me in the face. My mom had a talk with me about that very things that I was already trying to fix and she didn’t even know. That’s how I knew I needed to be serious about making those changes in my life so she can see the changes in me. It was bitter sweet because I was reminded of my shortcomings and that’s not fun but, it pushed me even more to work on those areas.
Second, I am engaged! I can honestly and finally say that with confidence. Here’s the thing, I was scared and nervous because I was looking at my current situation and placing it in the future and that freaked me out. I’m a thinker so I’m always thinking FAR ahead and completely ignore the process of how to get there. I had to calm myself down every week and take it one day at a time and embrace it. This is a new level of womanhood that I’m stepping into and a lot of things are going to change that I have to prepare for. God has really shifted my way of thinking so far during this engagement process and He has helped me to be confident through it all. I use to worry A LOT and now I can take on this journey with confidence and with my Husband to be ️
Thirdly, I have friends! Haha, I know it sounds really sad but hear me out…
The church that I use to attend before I transitioned, I didn’t have much friends. I was seen as a leader and most of the friends I had were younger than me. Being a leader at church was not the issue, it just goes to show that it gets lonely at times. Once I transitioned from my home church, I slowly joined a new church and attended the meet and greet event they held. That’s where I met most of my friends and God started placing different women in my life from then on. I am so happy grateful for all them. As I’m getting older, I’m learning that every friendship has to be maintained and that means either calling, texting, emailing, hanging out, or setting dates to meet up. The intention has to be there. I’m thankful that God didn’t just send or place just anyone in my life, but friends that I needed and that are genuine.
Bracelets: Aldos Accessories
Earrings attached to pockets: Primark
Lastly, I’m finally walking in my purpose! After 3 years of tears, prayer, trying different things, failing at many and succeeding in some, I am excited to start something new that’s aligned with what God called me to do. You guys will soon find out and some of you will not be surprised…it was always there but needed sometime to uproot. Right now, I am trying to find space to rent to get started (hint ) and that seems to be the small trial. BUT, I’m not worried! Now that I know what my purpose is, it’s not going anywhere despite any minor setbacks. God is God y’all!
Heels: Charlotte Russe
Overall Dress: Primark
Body Suit: Primark
And that’s where the question resurfaces again, Is this really happening? The job, the marriage, friends and walking in my purpose? Yes it is! And this is not me boasting or showing off….that’s not me at all. But this is me sharing with you that I would not be the woman that I am now if I didn’t trust God in all those areas of my life and I'm still trusting. I had to start by being honest with myself and letting God have His way. I encourage you to do the same and you will begin to see the blessings and all the answered prayers unfold right before your eyes.
Much love and blessings!