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The most powerful action you can take when anyone identifies the flaws in your life is redefining them. The worst thing you can do is actually believe it.
I came across an Amanda Seales interview last month on the XONecole Instagram page. I found this snippet of her interview that was so raw and so honest. Side note: If you don’t know Amanda Seales, I learned that she’s been on the grind for a while now and is finally having her moment. You can watch her on Issa Rae’s show, Insecure, that’s on HBO. She talks more about what she does and has been doing in her interview with the Breakfast Club.
This part of her interview compelled me to write and confirmed my sentiments at the time. People told her that nobody likes her and she believed that she was unlikable. She internalized it and realized she didn’t like herself. She said,
“My therapist helped me to see that the things that they were saying that they didn’t like, she helped me to pick those apart and acknowledge what those things were and why they’re saying and find love in those things again.”
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I remember when my sensitivity was seen as a negative thing and to some it still is. It seemed being a sensitive person was like the worst character trait you can have. I tried really hard to remove that trait instead of finding a way to embrace it. I believed that it was a sign of weakness to be sensitive. One time my mom said something that made me feel some kind of way, and if you have an island parent…they have a natural blunt personality. I think that “tough skin” skipped me and went straight to my sisters because I feel everything. When she said what she said, I tried to have tough skin and that lasted like 30 seconds LOL. Next thing you know,I hear the same words like always, “why are you so sensitive? No one can’t talk to you!” I’ve been like this since I was very young and I never knew how to manage it until I entered college, then it got easier after college.
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I had to redefine that trait that was seen as a negative into something that I can love. Amanda Seales said, “you’re not difficult, you’re just particular. You’re not demanding, you hold people accountable.”
After years of understanding a few things about myself that were and can be seen as negatives, it was time to pick it apart. I am not sensitive because I’m weak, I’m sensitive because I feel the heart behind the words that people speak, I accept the tone, the attitude and the posture that carries the weight of these words. I believe that to be a great thing for it gives me a heads up of what I’m dealing with and how I can respond to that kind of reaction.
This kind of effort is a must in order to see great things manifest in your life. There are so many dreams that are not coming into fruition because we choose to believe the words of others. In Proverbs 29:25 MSG, it reads, “The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that”. The word “disable” means to ruin, weaken, paralyze, muzzle, disqualify and cripple. Who do you think can withstand and handle hurtful words being thrown at them more than Jesus? No one at all. There’s no mistake that this scripture is here because only Jesus can endure and take on the weight of the world on His shoulders, along with the weight of the words that were screamed at Him while walking to his crucifixion. As a result, those words did not define Him, He still reigns now and forevermore.
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Now that we know what human opinions can do to us, let’s trust in God. He knows who we truly are even if we have not discovered it yet. Stay under his wings no matter what and continue to love the traits that others can’t stand. I’m so excited to see some of you push through the dirt and blossom into something beautiful. Find love on those things again, it what makes you who you are. Redefine the negative. Love you and God bless